Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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