Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
