Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
