Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
