I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
