Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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