have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
