Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
