white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
