If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
