i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
