Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
