Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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