Cold hands, warm shart.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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