Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
