I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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