grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
