"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
