She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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