Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
