The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
