worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
