last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
