At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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