i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
