I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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