some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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