I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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