i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
