i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
