life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i drank out of a bidet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
