Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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