my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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