but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
