yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
