trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
