I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
