There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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