Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
