Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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