I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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