How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
