I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
