turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
