your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
