my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
