Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
