I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
