I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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