The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
