Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
