is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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