I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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