Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
