'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Shame - the story of my life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
