I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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