dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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