Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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