Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize