She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
