Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
