Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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