fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
