why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
