she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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