I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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