so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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