I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want her autograph on my taint
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
