I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
