I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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