Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he just fucked me for my cheese..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
