I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
