So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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